Ladies, we’ve got a problem. Like seriously! And whether you want to admit it or not, many of us (women) have played the “Dumb blonde” (no offense to my Golden-tress Beauties) just to make our significant other feel manly! I will be the first to admit that I have! Let me tell you, there has been so many times I’ve known the answer to something I was conversing with my spouse (at the time) about, but I’d play “Clueless” just to make him feel good or like he was teaching me something new. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with making your man feel good, but there is everything wrong when you start to compromise your own intellect and emotions for his. Some men (not all) get offended by a woman having her own opinion and a lot of times we (women) will do one of two things A) keep our thoughts to ourselves, B) take the blame/fault for something when we know were right about or C) know the answer to or how to do something, but act as if we don’t just to avoid a confrontation and/or to avoid making him feel less than a man. And if these things are the case then we need to ask ourselves “What kind of person are we dealing with?” and “Why are we downplaying ourselves for them?” Some women do this with the intent and thought in their mind that “I know what I’m doing. I’m just doing this so that he can feel good” but that is not helping him and it is most definitely destroying you!
Any man that does the following has some serious self-esteem issues and you need to truly re-evalaute your relationship with him (whether it’s a friendship, potential relationship or full fledged romance)
1) You: Have an opinion about something.
BUT
He: Says you always challenge him.
2) You: Speak of the things you know you deserve in a relationship.
BUT
He: Tells you you’re too picky/living in a fantasy.
3) You: Check him for his disrespect/or call him out on something he did wrong.
BUT
He: Says all you do is complain.
4) You: Have valuable information or something new you learnt and want to share it with him.
BUT
He: Debunks what you shared, finds everything wrong with it and/or does research on his own only to point out what you weren’t “Clear” on.
5) You: Feel as though you have to keep your guards up and be on defense when dealing with him.
BECAUSE
He: Always finds a way to pick at you or find something wrong.
6) You: Know you look nice or have made a major accomplish with something you have always wanted to do.
BUT
He: Doesn’t compliment you on purpose, points out the flaws or tells you what you could’ve done to make it “Better."
6) This one is a classic! He: Ask you questions knowing you are not familiar with whatever it is he is speaking on (sports, science, politics, etc) Then when you are unable to answer the question or elaborate on the subject he says ”You mean to tell me you don’t know XYZ? WOW, you should know what XYZ is …” and he tries to make you feel as if you’re ridiculous for not knowing certain things.
There are so many other things these type of men do, but I would be here for days listing them. Most psychologist would label these kind of people “Narcissist” but, I’m going to just call them “Men with very low self-esteem and who are used to dealing with women and people who do not hold themselves in high regards.” People like this feed on those who they know are mentally and emotionally stronger than them even though it seems like the total opposite! Believe me, they know what they’re doing and because they don’t want to face the “Internal” pain they carry; they externalize and direct their own self-hated on someone who is STRONGER than them! Why do I say “STRONGER?” I say stronger because it takes a person with a heart to be able to STILL love and look out for an individual who does nothing, but try to break them down.
Ladies, YOU ARE NOT WEAK!!! You are just a BEAUTIFUL person (inside/out) who has externalized the “LOVE” that is meant for yourself and directed it towards and individual is NOT WORTHY!!!
Let's start re-directing that love towards ourselves (by the will of God)
I love you,
-Tahanee
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